A friend’s wedding, July 2015.
When you’re a teenager, most of your concerns go towards school, social acceptance or where to party next. I’m always raving about when I lived in my hometown and how amazing those days were. And, at the time, you aren’t, necessarily considering your future. You make assumptions that you want to grow up, do this and that. But by the time you reach the point of actually doing it, you just find yourself being the same lost person you were. I always face my life changes with a bit of a dread. Not in a way that I didn’t want to do them, but how would I.
I left home when I was 17 to go study. So that wasn’t much of an issue. But when the time came to move in with my boyfriend, now husband, it happened sort of spontaneously. Most people plan it, date the guy/girl for some time, test out the waters and see if how it turns out. With me, it was more like jumping into the deep end. We decided to move Dubai and only lived together full time there. It was sort of a hit or miss and, fortunately, we hit. But I didn’t think of ourselves as making those life changes the way some of my friends were.
Eventually and gradually, most of them did it, and I witnessed quite a few. Than the weddings – which are still going on – and the kids. This year, one of my best friends – whom I met in Dubai – became a mother. And then another friend, and another. How fast is life moving by now? I’ve always dreamt of becoming a mother at 28, but now that I’m here, it’s actually scary to face it. But so many of my friends are going through those specific life changes and I know it’s all part of the process. It doesn’t mean it’s not fucking scary and I won’t fight it a bit.
I think it’s amazing how we all go through these things. Some of us sooner than others. But that doesn’t stop me from cringing at the thought and hiding under the covers in fetal mode. I didn’t even know how to react when I first heard my friend was pregnant. At the time, I wished I was one of those overly genuine and excited people. But I wasn’t. Of course I wasn’t. I stumbled upon the information and gagged like a fucking moron. And I haven’t even held a baby, and now my friends are having them?
I know I sound like I’m freaking out, but that’s only because I haven’t shared these thoughts with anyone else and, well, who better to do it then with you guys. And actually get some feedback. Are you going through the same? I would love some tips to learn how to deal – or those it just come naturally?