Do you relate to those days, weeks, months when you wake up and just don’t want to leave the bed? When your motivation is below zero and you just freaking want to be left alone? I feel like I’ve been on those. For quite some time. I’m struggling to get out of this pit I’m digging for myself, while getting in deeper and deeper. I’m finding no purpose in what I’m doing, constantly crying over nothing, feeling annoyed and then extremely happy. But feeling lost as fuck.
What the fuck is a person supposed to do? Close up? Go out there? When you’re feeling lost, everything seems a bit pointless. I’m not enjoying even the slightest small activity, like eating, exercising – which I’ve been slacking – shopping, reading or watching television. I haven’t stopped living, I’m just doing it without a lot of joy. Last week I was texting a friend who told me that, he feels like I’m losing my joie de vivre – or my joy of life. I was pissed off at the time but then, started thinking, I kind of am.
Things are hard guys and, I know we’re not supposed to give up during hard times, but I am feeling lost. No sense of purpose, direction or motivation. No reason to get out of bed, except to walk Poppy out. I’m not going to say I’m depressed, I don’t like the use of that word, but I’m some kind of something that resembles it. I don’t remember ever feeling like this before to the point where, I don’t even care if the apartment is clean, neat or if there’s food in the fridge. I know these might seem insignificant things but they’re true.
As I’m writing this, I keep rubbing my head, shedding tears, looking around. Again, feeling lost as fuck. Because I see my life going absolutely nowhere. I’m tired of feeling useless, impotent, unhappy, unwilling, un-it-all. And because of that, I decided that it was time to take action by:
I’m tired of feeling like this. I know it doesn’t lead anywhere, but I have to face it and figure it out. No one is going to do anything for me and, the only way to deal with it is facing and doing something about it.
I keep repeating this to myself, over and over, because it’s one of the hardest things you can do. With all the things you see, know, hear and encounter, it’s impossible not to compare your situation with others. It’s hard not to feel frustrated, focus on something else or even think about something else. But one key aspect of becoming happier is to stop comparing yourself to others. Their lives are not going to be the answer to your problems.
This is not something I normally do when it comes to myself, even though here it might seem like it. But I’m a very private person when it comes to my own issues. I don’t easily talk about them with my husband or friends. And it’s unusual for me to ask for help. It has nothing to do with pride or being ashamed, I’ve just always been the one trying to solve everything. So it feels weird to complain or ask for help, I guess. But complaining doesn’t get you anywhere. Either you talk about it or you try and solve it.
Ask for help.
Which leads me to my next point. Asking for help. Again, something that doesn’t come easily for me. Asking for help always makes me feel weird. Not because I don’t think I should, but because I don’t know how to approach someone and say hey, I need your help. When it comes to my work, I’m the first one to reach out, ask for feedback, critics. But my personal life and problems, it takes a village or a breaking point, for me to ask for anything. Which is the worst, sometimes an outside perspective helps you figure things out better.
This might seem strange or ridiculous, but it helps. I just poured out tears and screams and I’m feeling so much better. It might not seem obvious, but crying helps us release tension, stress and ends up improving your mood. I’m honestly feeling like a different person than when I started writing this post.