Watching re-runs of Sex and the City makes a gal wonder. How Carrie Bradshaw of me. There are a few episodes, back in the day, where they talk about girls who change men, and vice-versa. I often think about this. As you get older, you realize that everyone can be a diamond in the rough. We spend most of our teenage, and early adult years, wandering around and trying to change guys who won’t. Not for us at least. But I found out, there’s always one person who changes your life.
I never thought about it that way until I reached my early 20’s. When I first starting dating, after a 4 year relationship, I was hooked on a guy in my class. Utterly hooked. And he was messing around with me. We hung out a few times, he looked honestly interested and I was obsessed. I, of course, wanted more, but he wasn’t willing to give me more. Which in retrospect is now fine, it was his prerogative. But at the time, I could not see it that way. I wanted him to like me and wondered too many times why he didn’t.
The thing is, I was giving too much of myself and expected the same. It never ends well. After a whole summer and fortuitous encounters in music festivals and what not, I finally said no. I hadn’t been hooked on him for a few months at that time, but it felt extremely powerful to say it. Not because now I was in control of the so-called-relationship, but because I was in control of my emotions. Not to say we shouldn’t let go, sometimes. But not when you’re being toyed around.
After that, I started dating my, now, husband. The thing is, with guys, when they’re interested, they will go after you and be worthy. The ones that joke around, are keeping you in the loop. Maybe until someone better comes along. But I’m pretty sure every person meets someone who will be the one. And I’m not naive enough to believe there’s one right person for each of us. But until things are working and you both want to be in a relationship – for good and bad – that’s the right person.
I’ve had girlfriends who kept chasing the wrong guys who were straining them along. Which was heartbroken. Being one that also did, I knew the feeling. That’s why, when my husband came around and he was the one making a bigger effort than me, I asked myself what’s wrong with this dude? What does he want? Only to be confronted with the reality that I was going to be the person who changed his life. And, he changed mine.