I feel like I don’t write that often about my relationship with M. Unless it’s an anniversary or something. I talk about it in real life, but don’t bring myself to write. And one of the things that haunts me often is how people compare their relationships. Ever since I started dating my husband, nothing about it has been normal. Even though I wonder what normal means in any love relationship.
We see movies, tv shows, but in the end, there’s no normal path to follow or guidelines to stick to. People are invariably different and will manage as they go. But one thing that pisses me off, is when someone compares their experience with other people’s. Or even brags about it. I have had people tell me that me and M are weird with each other in public. That we don’t kiss enough, hold hands enough, hug enough. And for some time, I felt weird about it. Like something was wrong with us.
Recently, it dawned on me, that there’s nothing wrong with us. We just have a different dynamic. Which is not even the right word. We have our dynamic, and throughout our everyday lives, figured out a way to make it work. I don’t feel the need to justify the way we handle our relationship. I too passed judgment on others and felt like I knew better. But in the end, I honestly don’t, and feel bad that I thought I did.
In the past couple of years I’ve learned to sit and listen when someone has something to tell me. Without a tainted vision or specific opinion. I have no idea what goes on behind closed doors – nor do I want to. But I’ve been scrutinized for not acting a certain way, or doing things this way. Nothing about us has been the way I thought it would be.
I don’t use my wedding ring every day. Which makes people question my love for my husband. We don’t talk to others about having kids. Which makes people wonder if we want to have kids. And then come the condescending don’t wait too long. What does that even mean when it comes to relationships? I stand by what Bradshaw said, that we are bound to create our own rules as a couple. And never compare it to others.
I love where we are right now. And I know how we live and carry ourselves day by day. The rest, will come as it may. What do you think? Do you feel pressured by others? Would love to hear your thoughts!